Recent surveys of single people in the US reveal an alarming trend: the average number of in-person dates per year has fallen to a historic low of fewer than two in twelve months. Just ten years ago, this would have seemed absurd, as it was during the dating app boom that the industry promised to make finding a partner faster and easier. However, the more convenient swiping through profiles became, the fewer actual meetings it ultimately generated. Let’s take a closer look at the reasons behind this decline, and at where singles who are still actively looking for a partner are now focusing their efforts.
Why There Are Fewer Dates
There are several reasons for this phenomenon, and they rarely act independently—more often than not, they overlap, amplifying the overall effect.
- App fatigue. Endless scrolling through profiles creates the illusion of choice, but in practice, it turns into a fruitless routine. Many users admit that they spend weeks messaging without ever getting to a face-to-face meeting, and then simply delete the app and take a break.
- Financial caution. Going to a restaurant or bar has long ceased to be an affordable form of entertainment. Some users are consciously cutting back on dating expenses, opting for more modest leisure activities or postponing dates until better times.
- Differences in engagement between men and women. According to survey data, men go on dates nearly half as often as women on average—women are more likely to take a break or stop actively searching altogether, citing accumulated fatigue from the gap between expectations and reality.
- Fear of disappointment. After several unsuccessful dates, people begin to avoid new experiences, preferring to stay within the comfort zone of texting rather than moving on to in-person contact, where the risk of disappointment is significantly higher.
- A general sense of anxiety. Economic instability and information overload deplete the emotional energy that used to be devoted to actively searching for a partner—there’s simply no energy left for dates after a workday filled with news and tasks.
All these factors create a vicious cycle: the fewer positive experiences a person has with in-person meetings, the harder it is for them to force themselves to step out of their comfort zone the next time.
Who Is Still Looking, After All
Interestingly, despite the overall decline in activity, a small percentage of users — according to various estimates, around 10% — are investing significantly more time and money in finding a partner than before. It is precisely this group that most often reports higher satisfaction with the results.
The issue isn’t the idea of dating itself, but the approach: the quality of one’s efforts is starting to matter more than the quantity.
This is also reflected in the growing popularity of matchmaking agencies. Tired of algorithms, people are increasingly willing to pay for a personalised approach where someone else filters out unsuitable candidates, saving them time on disappointing first dates. It is also interesting to note that matchmaking services are increasingly being sought not only by young singles, but also by their parents who are eager to help their adult children to take a more thoughtful approach to finding a partner.
What is replacing the traditional date?
As the classic format of “a candlelit dinner after a week of messaging” becomes less popular, alternative ways of making contact that require less time, money and emotional investment at the outset are becoming more common. These include group events and themed gatherings where people can get to know each other in a relaxed setting, without the pressure of a “one-on-one” situation; short “preliminary” phone calls before a face-to-face meeting, which act as a filter and save both parties time by allowing them to weed out clearly unsuitable candidates in advance; and video chat as a standalone communication format that does not necessarily have to lead to an in-person meeting, but which can exist as a separate, self-sufficient way to spend time together.
Time. A return to meeting people through mutual friends and in-person communities based on shared interests, such as sports clubs, book clubs and cooking classes. Walks and outdoor activities instead of expensive restaurants — a more relaxed format that lowers expectations and reduces the cost of the first date. The third point, in particular, deserves special attention: live video chats with new people are becoming a way to ease the tension of initial contact without the pressure of a “real date”, while retaining all the benefits of a live conversation.
Video Chat Monkey.app as a Way to Lower the Barrier to Entry
One service that illustrates this shift is video chat https://www.monkey.app/ . Designed specifically for one-on-one connections between men and women, it’s a random video chat platform that automatically pairs users of the opposite sex. This eliminates the need to scroll through profiles and come up with an opening message, addressing the frustration expressed by the single people surveyed. There’s no need to spend weeks exchanging messages just to find out if there’s chemistry between two people — a few minutes of live video conversation is enough. If the video chat doesn’t go well, you can simply move on to the next match with the click of a button, without the awkwardness or need for explanations typical of offline dates, where it is much harder to end an unsuccessful meeting.
For those tired of the disconnect between expectations and reality after lengthy exchanges on messaging apps, Monkey acts as an intermediate step between a profile and an actual meeting. You can see and hear the other person immediately, so the decision to continue the conversation is based on a genuine impression rather than photoshopped pictures and rehearsed lines. This also alleviates some of the anxiety associated with the fear of disappointment, as the cost of making a mistake in an online video chat is minimal. This makes the barrier to entry much lower than for a full-fledged date.
What This Means for the Future of Dating
Just because traditional dates are becoming less common doesn’t mean that people have lost their desire for intimacy and connection; they’re simply looking for more effective ways to achieve it. The way people meet is changing; long message exchanges and expensive dinners are being replaced by easier, faster and less risky ways of figuring out whether a relationship is worth pursuing.
The dating industry will have to adapt to this demand. The future lies in hybrid scenarios where video chats, brief in-person meetings and professional matchmaking complement one another rather than competing for attention. Singles aren’t giving up on the search for love; they just don’t want to invest their time and energy in it without any guarantee of results. Platforms that can reduce this cost will clearly have the advantage in the coming years.